What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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