He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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