It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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