I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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