I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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