If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
