and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.