Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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