remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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