id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.