After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same