Moan for me like Helen Keller
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
