and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
