I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
