Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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