Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
