the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
