Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
