He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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