i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
