Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
