Come see our sink grown plant.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
