She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
