Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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