dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
