i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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