maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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