According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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