I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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