I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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