I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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