just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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