final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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