new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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