So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
