I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
