I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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