The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
