then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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