why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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