i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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