just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
