He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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