No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize