I bet he comes in French.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why are your pants in the freezer?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
