i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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