i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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