Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
