In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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