Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
