he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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