I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
