I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
