THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
