we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
