CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
