i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
