I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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