My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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