I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
