I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
