now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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