I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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