Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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