What did we do last night that was yellow?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
