and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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