Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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