My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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