a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
