I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
