you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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