There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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