At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
