you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
