You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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