you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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