i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
