Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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