Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
