I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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