so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
