Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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