DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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