Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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