i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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