You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
